Chump Lady Uncut: Dangerous and Derogatory

Or that time I wrote about sex addiction therapist Doug Weiss's divorce

I moved to Substack because I got in trouble.

I’ve been a potty-mouthed blogger for over 13 years, 10 of which I’ve been with an ad network and never a complaint about my content. Which is, essentially, an uppity woman (my alter ego Chump Lady) writing an advice column with the tagline “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.”

But last week I got an ominous note from my ad network that I’d been reviewed by Google for “dangerous and derogatory” speech and they gave me a list of about 100 posts they wanted taken down. Posts like “The Biggest Lie I Was Told” or “How to Divorce a Narcissist” or “He Cheated on Me with Prostitutes.”

Oh, and could I please remove the entire category of “sex addiction”? Even though I was writing from a victim advocacy standpoint. A lot of women write to me who’ve been harmed by sex addiction therapy. Shamed into staying with their “addicts.” Told they should spice things up in the bedroom to win him back. And not object if he relapses with sex workers. Because, hey, it’s an illness

Rejecting ‘Stand By Your Man’ Is Dangerous

My most popular post, by far, number one on Google search for a while, was “Sex Therapist Doug Weiss Gets a Divorce.” A popular evangelical Christian therapist, Weiss who shames people for divorce, got one himself. And quickly remarried a wealthy televangelist widow. And he didn’t tell anyone for nearly a year. I snarked about his hypocrisy.

It’s two years later but Google wants that post removed now. Why, I have no idea. Apparently snark is offensive, but blaming women for their husband’s wandering dicks, and calling them “intimacy anorexics” is fine.

A support site for partners of sex addicts, Sisterhood of Support, ran this review of Weiss’s services. (The original link was scrubbed. Maybe they got in trouble too?)

"When I stated I was so devastated that I didn't want to have sex with my husband, he (Doug Weiss) told me that if I didn't have sex with my husband I would lose him. (I guess nonemotional, objectifying sex is okay with him."

"He said that I had full blown intimacy anorexia because I did not want to have objectifying sex with my husband after I found out that he had unprotected sex with over 1500 different prostitutes, my sister, his patients, gym members, nurses, drug reps, etc. ... and did nothing to rectify the marriage and lie, lie, lie."

I needed a place I could post uncensored content.

I removed that post about Doug Weiss from my blog. Because I run a support site and I keep it free. And ads pay my IT costs and me. People write to me everyday and say my online community and my book saved their life.

It makes me uncomfortable when people say that. You saved your own life, I usually reply. All I did was validate your experience with the experience of a gazillion other chumps. I created a space where you could talk freely and curse and be angry, and no one is going to shame you for it.

But now that safe space is under threat. Sure, I could exist without ad income, and figure something else out. But if I get shadow banned, not only will I not earn money from my blog, I won’t show up on searches either. (I’m waiting to hear my fate, while I’m under “review.”)

So here I am.

Fuck the gatekeepers. All the naughty posts will go here. And I’ll post new stuff too. My blog will remain (there are still thousands of other posts in the archives and I’ll keep answering letters.) But the uncut stuff I’ll publish here. We’ll start tomorrow with Doug Weiss. Thanks for following me over here.

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